Friday, September 03, 2010

Thalivar Rajinikanth!

Although I didn't know it back then, Rajinikanth (Thalaivar Valgha!) was an internal part of my tamizh upbringing. Even the average North Indian who thinks everyone from the south is a malayalee or a madrasi, seems to know who Rajinikanth(Thalaivar Valgha!) is. They also know the Tamizh ghana song, Apidi Podu, but that is not relevant to the point I'm trying to make. Even though they think we are barbarians who have never heard of Metallica, They know that Thalaivar is so awesome that physics is far too scared to come in his way. 

However, it has recently come to my attention that some do not know the extent of Thalaivar's awesomeness. In my attempt to educate the ignorant masses, I have complied a sacred list of facts about Thalaivar. This list is true. This list is based on facts. This list is awesome. People have died mysteriously for questioning the veracity of the list. Questioning this list is equal to questioning the sheer awesomeness of Rajinikanth (Thalaivar Valgha!). 

If you do now know who Thalaivar is (Shame on you!) or if you are a non-believer, read on but only after you prepare yourself to be blown away. 

When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn't pushing himself up, he's pushing the earth down.

Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. His descendants are referred to as 'Giraffes' by the common man.

Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear. 

Rajinikanth doesn't breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.

When Rajinikanth looks in the mirror, the mirror shatters. Not even glass is stupid enough to come between Rajinikanth and Rajinikanth.

Rajinikanth's calender goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one can fool Rajinikanth

Rajinikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Rajnikant

Rajnikant's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through

Rajnikant doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq; Rajnikant lives in Chennai.

Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. It made him blink.

Rajnikant's every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of a morning jog.

When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up

Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
 
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
 
Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
 
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
 
The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.
 
When you say “no one’s perfect”, Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajinikanth kicked off one of the corners.
 
Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life there
 
Rajinikant proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.
 
Rajinikanth doesn't move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth
 
Rajinikanth knows Victoria's secret

Rajinikant doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint out of fear.
 
The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.
 
When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.



Mind it!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFLL

THE FUCKING SHIT THIS IS!

-rhea

Roidon said...

Hell yeaaaa!!! LMAO!!

Anonymous said...

Sex !

I want to see Rajni and Chuck Norris fight !

-Marley

Raveena said...

Marley?! Mali!

:)

!! Oxymoron !! said...

Kalakita, po! LOL! Man, this is some brilliant stuff!! And soooooooooo right! Still laughing!

Raveena said...

Nandri Nandri! :D

Akshaya said...

+1 to Marley's comment :D
Really similar to Chuck Norris' er.. talents ?

Awesome stuff ya machi ! Thalaivar valgai! The kanths of Tamil Nadu are the brilliance of the nation.

The Depressed Doormat said...

All those jokes were originally Chuck Norris Jokes. Rajnikanth, just a big fucking copy cat.